Standard Red Flags
I hate to say it but I’m pretty sure that everyone at some point thought a boyfriend or girlfriend was cheating on them. It is the unfortunate situation that most find themselves in, but it also creates a detective in you for future occurrences.
There are lots of tell tale signs and most often friends that don’t really think fondly of your boyfriend aren’t prone to helping the situation. “oh, he’s working late again, he must be cheating.” or “he seems to have a lot of errands to run I wonder why he needs to be out of the house so much”. Your boyfriend working late, or putting more time in at the gym out or any other place he enjoys doesn’t automatically mean he’s cheating. It could simply be part of his personality that he’s a hard worker or that he dedicated time to a hobby.
It would be unfair to immediately jump to the conclusion that it means he’s cheating. We’ve been over saturated with really vague red flags and have learned to assume that any one of them means an affair must be afoot.
What you really want is to look at grouped behaviors; more than one sign before you confirm to yourself that you’re dating a cheater. Cheating is a character flaw and maybe a one-time event but answering his phone suspiciously doesn’t always mean his character is tarnished. The following alerts are some of the top red flags to look for when looking for signs of a cheater boyfriend.
- Flighty and Blows You Off
One major character flaw is when people don’t follow their words with coinciding actions. Making plans and breaking them, saying they’ll call and then don’t. Emergencies do happen once in a great while but if you see that this is a pattern then you need to be on the look out for another woman in the mix.
Being flighty by nature should already tell you that your boyfriend probably doesn’t plan on being around for much longer. Now if he’s blowing you off too, that’s more on the end of being directly disrespectful to you. The pattern to have both of these things work out to the benefit of cheaters is that someone who’s in a relationship and has someone on the side needs a really flexible schedule.
They can’t map out a week ahead of time when they can go missing for hours without being noticed. So blowing you off and saying that you’re really sorry means that they have the next couple of hours knowing you’re not around. They want to know where you are, and you to not know where they are. Breaking plans is a great way to accomplish this.
- Everything is Inconvenient
You know they’re good at breaking plans and you’re going to try a different plan of attack. There are two schools of thought here. One, you should try to make plans super fast ahead of time so they can’t back out. Or two, make plans last minute all the time so he doesn’t have time to make excuses.
Both have their advantages, but they’ll both get the same response. Oh, it’s just not really convenient, it’s either too far in advance or it’s so sudden. These types are always hard to pin down and to test the waters to see if he’s really committed to spending time with you, set an ultimatum. He can keep his dates or he can let you know when he can and you have no further interest in being perpetually blown off.
The other thing that gets categorized as inconvenient is your phone calls. If you know you’re calling while he’s at work, don’t expect an answer. But if you’re regularly calling and waiting for a call back as in he almost never answers his phone then something could be going on. Start paying attention to whether or not he answers his phone around you. Odds are, if he’s not, he’s playing you and maybe even another girl on the side.
- Guards Their Phone
While we all have a pretty unhealthy attachment to our mobile devices, someone who guards theirs severely is doing so for a reason. Taking your phone everywhere with you is the accepted normal now. But having extensive locks at home, hidden folders or throwing a fit if you touch his phone is a flashing orange light to proceed with caution.
- Compartmentalizes Life
This is by far the most obvious warning sign that your boyfriend is cheating but so many people overlook it. When your boyfriend has his work life, girlfriend life, home life, and probably others, you probably don’t know about. First there is no reason for anyone to do this so there is no excuse to explain it away. Secondly, it goes against the very fiber of existence in the midst recent two generations. Millennials and the Gen Y are notorious for integrating the many aspects of their lives. Technology of today is intended to make this mesh of things easy and manageable. When anyone makes it clear that you can’t or won’t be involved with something because that is “work ” or “home” you’re already in too deep.
Seek answers directly from your boyfriend about why he is working so hard to make sure you’re isolated from meeting his friends, family or coworkers that he hangs out with. You may in fact be the other girl.
- Changes in Routine
People as a whole are mostly creatures of habit. We enjoy the low stress level of not needing to be constantly doing new things. The few stops on the way home after work are usually the same; the habits on certain days and daily schedules stick around.
It’s when known habits start changing all at once. This is where the age of red flags of cheating come in to play. If your boyfriend goes straight home after work everyday for six months and then is suddenly staying to work late on sporadic nights, something could be going on. Keeping your eye open for sudden habit changes. If you ask about it and he denies it, you’ve just caught him in his first lie.
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Read our most recent post here: Cheater Spy Shops