Relationship Help

I Caught Them Cheating, Now What?

Chances are there’s a number of men and women reading this who have caught their spouse cheating.  What might follow that discovery is the feeling of grief, anger and maybe even panic once the thought of “what could this mean for our children” pops into your head.

What do you do when you catch them cheating? Often times the knee-jerk reaction is to just kick them out and send them away as far as possible. Question is, is that always the right decision to make? Each case is different and infidelity happens in many ways so it must be handled on a case by case basis.


It’s ok to let yourself feel it

It’s ok to let yourself feel the anger and pain. Feeling sad is part of the process so go ahead and let it out. Cry, wail, go off for a long drive and scream your heart out in your car. Feeling that pain is the first step in the process of healing and it’s important to let it happen so you can overcome it in a healthy and productive way, not a destructive way.

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Share what you feel

Talking to your trusted friends and close loved-ones is never a bad idea in times of need and emotional support. It might take some time but eventually you’ll feel able to talk to your partner about the situation and hopefully do so in a conductive manor. It’s not a very good idea to just lose it and begin cursing and throwing things (no matter how strong the urge is) because at that point they can use those actions against you- accusing you of being unstable and justifying their own foul actions in their mind as a result of this.

There is another option when it comes time to share those raw emotions and it comes in the form of an open community with others who share your affliction. In a case like this we offer a place on the most popular social platform on the planet… Facebook. Check it out:



Get some outside help

It might not be within everybody’s means but if you can seek the professional help of a counselor then doing so may be a good option to help rebuild trust and form an even stronger bond than before. Of course both parties need to agree to this and be willing to work things out but in the event everyone is willing then seeking out local help could be a big step forward.


Build a better future together

There are two important factors to take into consideration after an incident of cheating and they are…

  • Re-establish trust
  • Your children’s future

It’s almost always a better option to work things out and find a way to move past this thing which has torn your relationship and trust apart. It requires both of you to be trustworthy in order to not only gain back mutual trust but keep it for the future of not only both of yourselves but any children you might have together.

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Saving a marriage will almost always benefit your children. If you can keep your home intact and work on things over time, hopefully growing happy with one another again then the end result will most certainly be better than a split up of the family unit. There is a tendency to say things like “If I’m not happy then my children won’t be happy” and that is not necessarily true.

If both parents are good at what they do then your children will appreciate that and a split will weigh heavily on all parties involved, including them.

5 thoughts on “I Caught Them Cheating, Now What?

  • I am in a situation where I know in my heart and gut that he is cheating. He on the other hand denies it swearing up and down he is not and that I am crazy. He does things that cause me to be suspicious. My proof I had a gut feeling something was going on there are a list of things but one that stood out was he starting taking more time on his appearance when he was getting ready for work. He is handsome and we are older but he doesn’t look his age at all. Young women as young as late 20’s would be checking him out of course this boosted his ego. He knows he’s handsome. We are in our early to mid fifties. Me I don’t look young the way he does and I have most of the stress at times when it comes to dealing with the children my son who is 25 is not doing much with his life and still lives with us my daughter who is 11 has autism. He is the good guy when it comes to them and I am the parent did I mention he is also immature and has been it’s like he never grew up. Somebody has to be he adult. Getting back to him because I started to notice a change in his behavior I decided to put a mini recorder in his truck he has a big SUV. When I was able to get it without being noticed I played it when I was alone I was prepared to hear him talking to someone but what I heard shocked the hell out of me it sounded like excuse my mouth it sounded like he was getting laid and when hey were done he is talking to this person but here’s the thing I can’t hear her they also have the music going and it’s pretty loud I can only hear bits and pieces of his conversation. When I finally pulled myself together and told him first he was outraged it caused a horrible fight he denied it and told me their was something wrong with me that there was no one blah blah. Now I am constantly watch and listening to everything and I am driving myself crazy I can’t eat or focus on my daughter and take care of her the way she needs to be cared for. I can’t just walk out I don’t have a job I haven’t worked in years and I have no where to go. I have no money of my own to be able to pay my way to even live somewhere else or with someone. I feel so trapped and unattractive and old with no life. That’s my depressing story lol. It felt good just to be able to get it out. Sorry to take up your time. Thank you. I read your articles often.

    • Your not alone. My husband had an affair and a child w another woman. I’m a stay home mom with no money or anywhere to go either. My two sons are 5 and 3. My 5 yr old has autism and requires a lot of time. Even if I could leave I don’t have anyone to watch him while I work. And I can’t put him n regular day care because he’s very violent at times when he’s angry. He doesn’t sleep well so I’ve not slept in the bed with my husband for years now. I don’t blame my son one bit for my husbands actions. He made that irresponsible decision all by himself. I feel lonely and trapped and stuck in this situation with a man I can’t stand to even look at most of the time. But I ask myself what can I do. I’m lucky he’s gone 12-14 hrs a day and when he is at home he’s tired and sleeps. I have no life. I want to feel normal again. I want to feel and be happy again. I want my family back to the way it was before all of this. But now that he has a child with her she’s gonna b apart of our lives forever. I feel so stupid and mad at myself for BEIN in this situation. If it wasn’t for my kids Id lost my mind a long long time ago. It’s been a year and a half since all this came out and to me it still feels like yesterday. I can’t let it go. Mainly because he still lies about talkin to her. Even though I know he does because they have a kid. We go for the DNa test this week even tho the baby looks just like my husband and our two boys. He wants to get custody of this baby and U.S. raise it. Sometimes I take a step back and look at this picture and I just wanna break down and scream ang cry because this is not me. I use to be so strong. I pray for peace everyday. I ask God why he had to give me such a big heart. Cause this poor little boy is Bein raised by his grandmother because his mom is a junkie on pills ang crack. And then I look at like we’ll he Is my boys brother the same as my daughter and son are. I’m just so tired of feeling confused and unloved. PlZ pray for me and my family to find happiness.

    • Tina Gibbons

      I’m sorry you are going threw this. I’m going threw the same thing. I just wanted to say if u have a gut feeling he’s cheating then yes he’s cheating. Always listen to that gut feeling cause it’s right. Anytime the man’s first words are your crazy or somethings wrong with u there cheating. They want you to think your crazy. They want you to think somethings wrong in your head. There’s usually a sign you will notice when ever they start cheating. Like they go buy new underwear and maybe cologne. I’ve noticed my bf will start working out everyday when he’s cheating. He gives himself away by saying he’s working over time when his check is the same amount as alwAys. He gets caught up in his own lies. Once a cheater alwAys a cheater. Just remember your daughter needs you. And no man is worth coming between u and your kids.

  • Iam in so much pain,over my divorce, I don’t like change,I don’t want be by myself, how can I get over this heartache

  • Me and my boyfriend been together every 3 years he had to move because his job and then later on I moved in the same town where he was at and he work 5 days a week and then went to his parents house on the weekends he used to text me all the time now he doesn’t answer my text messages pick up my calls he doesn’t answer it for the kids so yes I do believe you seeing or talking to someone else because he didn’t ever talk to me anymore he’s never here for us I feel that someone else is more important now and if I could I would just love to find out so it was easier for me to walk away I’m hurt and devastated right now I had to fight with cancer and I still have cancer and I went through a situation with my little girl that was really bad and he still doesn’t care


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