Something absolutely bizarre and astonishing happened for the very first time ever in recorded United States history; the number of single people exceeded that of married people. We’re officially a nation which feels things like a loving and committed relationship hold to old fashioned values.
There is no doubt that it’s easier than ever these days to find a quick fix, a hook up, all you got to do is swipe in the right direction and see if the person on the other end isn’t a total creep!
Despite all that, there are still some really great benefits to having a bond with someone over a long-term relationship.
How can you tell they’re afraid of committing?
There are some fairly typical traits displayed by those who have a fear of commitment. We’ll be going over some of these today in hopes that it’ll help you identify and ultimately put you on the path to overcoming this fear with your significant other, or realize that you’re just wasting your time so you can call it quits.
1. A fear of being locked down
Lots of people find themselves swooning at the end of a romantic comedy. When the couple destined to be together finally realizes it and makes the match- it’s a wonderful thing. Yet here your partner is left with a slight cringe in their hinge and a sensation like they just got to chew their own arm off to get away.
Chances are that they probably have a constant drive, some might even call it an itch, but regardless of the terms used you can’t deny they just feel like if they commit to one person they’ll be depriving themselves of all those other chances for fun they could be having. Sure, they might be right in some ways but here’s something to consider.
They might have been hurt in the past, possibly really badly. Maybe they actually did miss out on a great opportunity with someone else who could have made them truly happen as they were committed to someone else who just didn’t work out. Now they’re slightly bitter and think it’s the smart thing to do, not getting fully committed to one person in fear of losing out again.
The interesting paradox is that ever looming “fear” of being forever alone. Lots of people who have a fear of committing still wind up in relationships, they also wind up being a big portion of the cheaters in said relationships.
2. They fear leaving themselves vulnerable
Jumping from one date to the next while putting on this persona in the process is easy- once you get used to it. It’s almost like an acting gig where the people involved just roll through this script in their head that they’ve composed over the course of dates they’ve had in the past.
If they don’t like the person after some time they can simply toss them to the side and move on to the next. It’s really simple not having to worry about other people’s feelings or how your decisions will weight on their lives, and yours.
A committed relationship is something entirely different and there is even a good chance that the person you’re involved with doesn’t even know how to “do” commitment. They’re so used to putting on this mask every time they interact with someone that the thought of letting go and just being themselves genuinely scares them. They don’t want you, or anybody else for that matter to see who they truly are.
They’ve never experienced somebody else being in a position to judge them. Or, maybe they have and it didn’t go so well and now they’ve developed a fear of going through that ever again.
Something to keep in mind is that when you’re in a committed relationship it’s no longer about you and them but more like “us”. You two are a unit and so it only benefits the pair of you to get over such insecurities and embrace them, but some people just can’t take that step as easily as others.
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3. Making the wrong choice paralyzes them
This is something we can all relate to on some level. That uncertainty if you’re making the absolute best decision you possibly can, given the circumstances. “What happens if I’m wrong, what if they really aren’t the one for me”? Questions can run a million miles a second when uncertainty kicks in and it’s a major source of anxiety.
Chances are good that you just might be “the one” for them and they know it, but they’re too scared to commit to that decision. That constant “what if” is always lurking around every corner in the depths of their mind.
The real question however isn’t so much “is this right for me?” but instead “am I wasting my time here?” and the answer to that can only be answered by you and them.
Something to watch out for
A general fear of commitment can be a healthy thing when dealing with relationships. It tends to mean that the person who is in fear of said commitment probably respects it, they know that it’s a serious deal and that’s why they respond to it so severely.
However, if you believe you might be about to get involved with someone who has a fear of commitment, or if you already are, you might fair well to make certain they’re not just taking you for granted.
The link below hosts a few tools you could use to get a better idea of what they’re up to if you find that there is a hint of suspicion between you and them.