My Partner Wants A Threesome & I’m Not Sure About It!

Long gone are the “good ol’ days” of modesty in human sexuality. We’re not shy about it anymore and let’s be honest… why should we be? It does however lead to some interesting changes in our social interactions, not the least of them being our very own personal relationships.

This can be an odd subject for a lot of folks, but we’re going to talk about having threesomes. What to watch out for, what might be the best etiquette to follow for them and how they could potentially affect one’s relationships both good and not so good in the aftermath of it all.

In Walks Kate. She’s a 32 year old married woman in a 7 year long relationship with her significant other. Some time ago she was feeling that her relationship had been growing a bit stale and was in need of some spice! Naturally, feeling curious about it she approached her husband and asked what he thought about maybe bringing another girl into the bedroom for a little fun and his response wasn’t quite what she had hoped for… initially.

He took this as a ploy to push him out of the bedroom and potentially, eventually, out of the relationship in total. That wasn’t the case though, Kate wasn’t looking to replace her husband, she wanted him to join in with this fantasy and really hoped that he’d enjoy it along with her!

Things like this can be tricky for anyone involved, especially if the idea is something new and foreign to them. The logistics of looking for that right individual and then getting to know them to eventually form a bond in the bedroom can be tricky, it can lead to insecurities and worse, the splitting up of an otherwise healthy relationship.

So, What’s Important Then?

This is a tough question to answer for everybody who reads this because it’s naturally going to vary between couples and people in general. We all have unique needs and wants, our desires differ from person to person, so you’re going to really have to talk about this with your partner and do so in an open and very, VERY honest way.

Open Communication is Key

Yes, it sounds obvious but how many times have you been in a situation where you were thinking one thing and then said another, or just didn’t say anything at all? Well… don’t do that in this situation. You have to be considerate of both your own and your partner’s feelings, insecurities and curiosities in this adventure. It’s going to be difficult for some, it might be very easy for others! The one thing you must always have in the forefront of your mind is that you are both in this together and that it’s meant to help spice things up and make it fun. You may even have to piece ideas together almost as if you’re drafting a contract just to be absolutely sure everyone’s concerns are addressed. Be open, be honest, don’t hold back but always approach this subject with delicate words.

Actually Finding A 3rd

A lot of people get the idea to have a fun night (or a few of them) with a 3rd party but don’t take into account just how hard it can sometimes be. Just because we have the idea, intentions and even the means to pull this off doesn’t suddenly mean that other person will magically pop into existence right before you! You’re going to spend some time to seek them  out and be sure that everybody’s personalities click in the right way. You can approach this in the old fashioned way of looking for people in public meeting places like clubs, bars, bookstores and coffee shops, but the easiest way will probably be online dating sites. Places such as Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid and the like will give you an opportunity to ‘go fishing’ during your free time and approach this in a more casual manner.

The Effects Of A Threesome

This one is probably going to be super obvious to most people but let’s go through some of the sticking points as well as the selling points of having a threesome inside of a relationship.

The Good:

  • It’s adventurous and fun!
  • It can make you and your partner feel seductive & sexy
  • It’s thrilling in a new way
  • It’s an opportunity to try new things with a new person
  • It will spice things up to say the very least

The Not So Good:

  • It can be a source of jealousy
  • It’s sometimes hard to give equal attention to all involved
  • It can increase the risk of STD’s
  • It can potentially throw the balance off in a relationship

There are a bunch more details to keep in mind but it’s going to be up to you and your partner to figure those out and work through them. Some folks may be concerned with jealousy while others know it’s no concern at all! It really does come down to you and them, and of course the third party involved as they’re human beings too.

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Going Back To Kate

After some exciting and sometimes nervous discussions with her husband, Kate was able to reach a fair understanding and the pair did decide to make a profile on pof.com. What this eventually lead to was a meeting with a few willing women as they had both agreed that it would be more fun for both if they brought a new girl into the mix.

It did take a few weeks of getting to know these girls for our couple to finally stick with one new girl in particular. Things worked out well in the end for everybody involved as they took all the precautions and always had it in mind that this whole threesome thing was just a way to spice things up and that their relationship is what was the most important.

The couple got a good friend out of it eventually, who they sometimes had a bit of fun with. Their 3rd party made great friends with a lovely couple and eventually Kate and her husband gave up the want for a threesome and returned to just the two of them as they got all the kinks out of their system. Sometimes this is just a phase that a couple needs to go through, but sometimes it’s not. It really is all up to you and your partner so don’t be shy to share what you need but also make sure to approach this idea with caution as not everyone will accept it willingly. You know them better than anyone, use that intimate knowledge to your and their positive advantage.

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