How Can I Find Out If My Partners On Tinder Or Other Dating Sites?

So, you’ve somehow discovered that your girlfriend, or boyfriend (maybe even husband or wife) are lurking around on some dating apps like Tinder or Plenty of Fish and  you’re concerned about it… anybody would be so you’re not alone. It doesn’t really matter how their profile was uncovered, could have been by noticing a notification pop up on their phone one random day or maybe a friend of yours happened upon them and told you about it. The point is that now the cats out of the bag and you want to know what to do about it.

You obviously need to start a conversation about this and it’s going to be very important that you don’t go about it in the wrong way. Giving them the benefit of the doubt will always work in your favor during times like these because it’s going to let them feel more comfortable opening up about their feelings without lying to you.

Who knows, they might not even be cheating on you and that profile could simply be an old profile they had sitting around from the days before your relationship and they’ve forgotten to deactivate it or just didn’t even think about it after the fact because they have you now.


How Do You Bring It Up?

Here are a few tips to get the dialog opened in the right way. You don’t want to damage your relationship for no good reason, especially when you don’t even know the whole truth yet, so just hold off on finger pointing for now and see if you can unearth the truth.


Be Honest With Them

The feeling you’re being lied to is why this whole situation is happening in the first place. You have to start the conversation openly and honestly. If you don’t tell them how you discovered their profile they’re going to feel like they’ve been spied on and regardless of how entitled you feel to their private affairs the simple truth is that we all deserve peace of mind.

If you were snooping around their computer looking for dirt to dig up and actually found it, that’s going to unearth a whole lot more than you’ve anticipated and you may as well pack up your bags and move on right now. You need to tell them why you’re wondering about their profile, how you found it (or who found it for you by accident) and then let them know you’re only curious if you have anything to be worried about… the truth will still have time to surface with the extra information to follow.


Pay Attention To Their Response

You probably know your partner better than most people so you’ll be able to pick up on those signs that something is wrong. Don’t be so quick to point the finger and shout “got you!” at the top of your mountain, there’s still a fair chance if they’re showing signs of distress it could just be for the fact they feel upset at the whole situation and not because they’re necessarily doing something behind your back.

Pay attention to their body language, notice how they may or may not become defensive and see how their speech is affected if at all. Are they showing obvious signs of distress, do they feel the need to throw it back in your face in an aggressive way? Sometimes people will become angry when confronted about such things but they haven’t actually done anything wrong. It’s important to feel out the difference here because your relationship may depend on it.


Don’t Demand Anything

It’s going to be necessary to avoid that strong feeling to demand they tear that profile down immediately. Come across as overly jealous or controlling won’t help you in this situation, they still have all the control and will use it against you if they feel for even a second that you’re about to start throwing your emotional weight around.

The best course of action is to let them know how it makes you feel and be honest about it, don’t try to manipulate them by throwing in a bunch of extra woes to appeal to their emotions, you’ll probably end up making them feel manipulated and they might just hold on to that profile out of spite or as a back up plan in case this “fight” you two are having right now turns out to be a relationship ender. Let them know about your concerns and ask if there’s anything you two sincerely need to talk about because you’d like to work on it in order to make the relationship better. You can always follow up later about the profile once you feel things have improved to see if they’ve gotten rid of it and chances are it’ll probably be gone.

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Turn It From A ‘Fight’ Into A Discussion

Let’s be real here for a moment… this is probably going to lead into a fight between you and them, it’s almost inevitable that someone is going to get upset and start throwing around accusations about whatever, fine.

Do not allow yourself to get upset if they’re the one growing upset and for the sake of your own relationship do not let yourself become the one who gets mad during all this. Take long pauses, just enough to let you both breath and calm down a moment, think about what you could say that gets the point across that you are simply concerned for the relationship and that you also want to know if they’re feeling happy with the relationship.

Maybe they’re dissatisfied with how the relationship is going and feel the only way out is to find a new person to start something new with behind your back. This is clearly a mistake if it’s the case and you still have time to fix things provided they’ve not already mentally and emotionally moved on.

The key to all this is remaining calm and approaching it from a loving and relaxed angle. You need to be the bigger person here and that will help you go a very long way.


4 thoughts on “How Can I Find Out If My Partners On Tinder Or Other Dating Sites?

  • June 20, 2019 at 5:24 am

    When i asked him about the 3 different pairs of earrings and a bracelet i found in his vehicle and the locations on his phone and the pictures of women popping up on his phone and his profile on a dating site, that he is interested in men and women. I showed him his profile and his response was “You can’t see my whole face” then asked me not to mention this to anyone and the woman my son saw him with when he is supposed to be working. He is the only one screaming and upset. Telling me I am crazy and that i put that stuff on his phone. What he does and where he goes is none of my business and to “Let It Slide”. I mailed photos and locations to the husband of one woman to let him know. I even found an explicit video of them on Tumblr. Very well hidden but didn’t remove his moles or scars with photoshop. I also found photos of them meeting on Google Maps. It is truly amazing what the internet has. For anothern married woman I mailed a letter to her husband and a copy of a coded message, that requires a key used by both parties to read it, can’t really encode a very unique last name, along with a screenshot of her reaching him on Messenger using his phone number. I had tried contacting her for months, even went to her house with my mother in law. I suggested her husband and I or all four of us get together for a “chat” to sort it all out. I have mailed letters to all of the people he has spent time with along with his photo and dates and times of his visits so that they may get tested for a specific std he has given to me and to stop by his house where he now lives with his mother who refuses to look at the evidence i found. i gave his mother a copy of his FB data to show explicit chats and live location sharing along with a months worth of locations, he has spent time. Even found texts on his phone, asking how her labs came out and that”Any girl who has his baby will waddle”. It is best served cold.

    • November 23, 2019 at 9:37 am

      I have the same problem with my husband. I have found many many dating sites on his phone with his profile on them. He swears he didnt do it to thst must be stuff that i his wife put on his phone. Tells me i am crazy and he swears all his locations on google maps are right but certain ones are not. Not believing anything he has to say anymore. Its went on too long and now all i want is out. A Divorce quick as possible. Its all forms of cheating and im sick of it. Its been going on for years and its time i leave and go on in life happily. He has even swore to me that he has never chatted with the women on dating sites…. Found out he has and i have read them. Disgusted and Done! Glad im not the only woman who has been thru this and accused of being crazy. He has not seen crazy yet!

      • December 25, 2019 at 4:15 pm

        how canb i catch my wifew

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