From Keeping Tabs to Avidly Tracking
Odds are, you’ve been keeping tabs on your husband for a while. Who his friends are, and where he usually hangs out when he gets off work but doesn’t come straight home. Many of us have our habitual practices, the same people the same places. It’s when there’s a suspected affair or concern for activities that would otherwise harm the marriage that you must begin the tracking process.
Keeping up to date on the basics of your husband’s life is perfectly normal and harmless. However when you husband begins to feel that his every move is watched and scrutinized it begins to put a strain on the relationship because he can tell your trust levels have diminished. If the spouse here is cheating they may see the strain that it’s causing and feel greater pressure to be careful in deleting messages before you have the chance to go through his phone.
When Alarms Start Going Off
Every spouse or significant other has that moment of questioning. Maybe he isn’t that interested anymore, is there someone else? He is a husband now; I guess it’s just different. People really change over time and the goal of every marriage is to change and grow together. However these changes don’t result in overnight disinterest or boredom with the person they vowed under law to be with. No one enters these commitments lightly and that’s why the expectations are put forth that each partner should remain faithful.
When you begin to doubt your husband’s faithfulness, it doesn’t mean immediately that he is in fact having an affair. However, you should go with your gut feeling and at least look into it. The easiest way to do this is to simply track who your husband is texting. The company a person keeps says a lot and if he’s texting an old flame, or a woman at the office that is a little too friendly there’s reason for concern.
The best thing about isolating the text messages and not full on tracking is that you’re not downloading super invasive applications on their phone, (only slightly invasive ones). Also you can bring it up in conversations without straight out saying, I’ve been going through your stuff. “Hey I think you’ve been talking to (this person) a lot and it makes me kind of uncomfortable” is much better than “Who’s this you’re spending all your time on your phone with, I demand to know her name”.
Don’t Get Caught Snooping
While scrolling through the text messages on a phone that has been left open or isn’t screen locked is the tried and true method of this generation, there are many new options thanks to technology. We mentioned earlier the only slightly invasive apps that can be installed and there’s a plethora of free ones available that download and install as ‘secret’ or invisible to the device user. You simply get a full account of their SMS or text messages. While you do have to go on to the actual device to install most of these, there are some download via email options. In which you would send your husband an email, he would download the attachment such as an image or document and it the app begins installing in the background. This helps you avoid the awkward scenario where your husband walks into a room to find you snooping through his messages. So long as you keep your investigation to yourself it’s for the best.
Keep in mind that you’re searching for a conclusion to a suspicion. You’re not out to find proof that he’s messing around, you want to know who he’s talking to and hopefully everything you find resembles the man you believed you married.
But if it’s not, you should really evaluate the possibilities of what would happen if he caught you snooping before you had any real answers. He could cut off the affair, or end it for a period of time until you deemed him trustworthy again, or he could just know to keep his phone locked and be on the lookout for odd apps on his phone.
Using Your Phone Company
There is also a process you can undergo with your phone company. Assuming that yourself and your husband are on the same phone plan and both are primary users to the account. If this is the case, you can request a transcript of the text messages within a specified date range. This is actually really common for phone companies to encounter as many people use these in court as more or less a proof of communication.
That doesn’t mean however that you can’t use it for your own personal means. If you’ve suspected that in the recent weeks or last three month period that your husband has been texting someone else, give you mobile phone service company a call and see if they can help you out. Most often it is a short process that includes having the account information on hand and can be done over the phone. There are also options to have these transcripts faxed to you. So keep in mind you can do this all at once and not worry about him seeing the transcripts lying around the house.
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It’s Not Snooping If There’s Reasonable Doubt
Yes you should give your partner a realistic amount of personal time and space. Being married doesn’t mean you suddenly merge into a single functioning unit. I’m also sure that you enjoy your own personal time and have friends that you enjoy spending time with or coworkers you speak with outside of work. It is common these days to have so many interactions because of the availability of technology and social networks that connect everyone so seamlessly.
If you have no reason to believe that your husband is texting someone he shouldn’t be then you really shouldn’t go snooping. However the moment you have reason to doubt the agenda behind his communication with another person, it’s not snooping. If he doesn’t wish to share the exchanges he has or who he communicates with then you may have room to believe that there may be something more beneath the surface.
For more information on cheating spouses, visit our cheaters apps home page.