You just had the misfortune of discovering your husband or wife has cheated on you. You can’t shake those deep and overwhelming feelings of humiliation and betrayal, they’re so strong you can’t even think straight. It seems like all the anger and sense of helplessness in the world has crashed down upon you, overwhelming you. If you take just a moment to breathe in and slow down you just might find that you can in fact overcome this hurdle.
Let’s talk about a few things you can do right now if you want to, that’ll help you get over your cheating spouse.
Try not to lash out at them
I know it can be hard to contain your instinctive reactions at this point but bear in mind that resorting to such a thing may just wind up increasing the feelings of being overwhelmed and we don’t want that to happen. Thoughts of revenge, plotting all the possibilities to get back at them will probably be gratifying initially but it could wind up getting way out of control and ultimately you run the risk of it backfiring at you. Sure, you may feel like you simply don’t care what happens in the moment but you must realize that you’re not going to feel that way forever, eventually your level-headed self will return and regret might settle in.
Put your focus where it belongs and keep it there
It might be difficult to not put most of your focus on the other party, the one who your partner cheated with. Yes, those thoughts of how they’re a homewrecker will probably flood your mind and spark more thoughts which will only serve to distract you from where your mind should really be- on you and your spouse.
Forget about that other person for now, they aren’t the important one, your significant other is… you are. That other person isn’t the one who actually violated your trust and put your relationship into this compromised position. Keep the focus and leave it where it belongs, directly on you and your partner.
Do some deeper checking
Regrettably, your spouce has just committed a major no-no and your trust has gone out the window. It’s sad to say it but it could mean they’re just not the person you thought they were, or maybe they’ve just changed for the worse.
It’s necessary sometimes to take matters into your own hands for the sake of not only your peace of mind but your very future.
If you’ve got access to his contact list on his phone you might want to consider a reverse phone-look up. There could even be the possibility that he’s been lurking around on fake social media accounts, or just some old ones you don’t know about.
THIS LINK is a great resource to get you started on the right path to peace of mind.
Do NOT blame yourself
It might be easy to turn the tables on yourself and begin to wonder if maybe you are the reason for all this- you’re not. Even if the relationship was taking a turn, you two are a pair and your relationship is something which belongs to you both. You both need to avoid placing blame for what happens to the relationship on the other person and then use it as an excuse to act out or break the bonds of trust.
However, if those bonds do get broken then the blame is definitely not yours to carry when it wasn’t you who took those steps to commit something as heart wrenching as adultery.
Seek counseling if it can help
Telling yourself “it’s ok” when it’s obviously not is one of the fastest ways to eat away at your own soul. It may be necessary to seek couples counseling when problems get too big. If you punch a few holes in the wall of your home it can be patched up yourself with relative ease, but when you discover a crack in its foundation you’ll need to call in a professional to help fix it.
Count on recovery to take some time
There’s no road map when it comes to relationships, you can’t mark the destination and call an estimated time of arrival. You’ll just have to navigate the path and know that if it’s truly in your hearts to patch things up and make your bond stronger and your relationship better than ever then it’s going to take time and effort.
Don’t be afraid to walk away
To the contrary of what I just said above, if you know that there’s just no way things can work out for whatever reason then don’t put it on you to carry the burden of a broken bond… walk away.
Overcoming a cheating spouse
When dealing with the lies and feelings of betrayal it’s important to discover the truth. It may feel like the end is near, but you make it through if you resolve to confront each other about the facts and the truth for both your partner and your relationship.